I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He did a backflip because drugs
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
