Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
