I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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