he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude. I can hear the air.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
