I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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