If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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