It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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