Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
