oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize