The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
