I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
