Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
