YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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