names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
