just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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