My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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