$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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