Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
