I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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