we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
