I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
