another moral hangover. fuck.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
