i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
