good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
