so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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