Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
