who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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