someone threw a dead crab at me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
