he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize