Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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