I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
