Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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