I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
