haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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