We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
