Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
