My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
