Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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