You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
