I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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