DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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