Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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