Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
