I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
