Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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