Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
