It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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