I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
