i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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