Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
