Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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