I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
