I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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