I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
