i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize