This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
