he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
