the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
