I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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