why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
