i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
