Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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