I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
