i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
