i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
