I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
