party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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