I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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