Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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