the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
