Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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